Tim Tebow's succes: is it because of God's will? Not at all, according to a high priest of the Church of Satan. What!? A Satanist, you say!? Yeah, because that bastion of journalistic integrity known as TMZ interviewed one recently:

[Peter H.] Gilmore tells us, "Those who have a winning attitude tend to do better, and whatever fuels such team spirit, be it religious fervor or simply an overwhelming desire to succeed, is the real source for success."

Which, you know, actually sounds pretty reasonable.